So the first few days of planning have not gone so well. After saying for several months that I knew exactly what I wanted, I got freaked out over budget issues and then completely changed my mind...again, and again, and again. We were doing a ceremony on the beach, then in Scotland, then in Vegas, then somewhere random when we could get cheap flights out of the country. We were doing a ceremony with our parents, without our parents, with our friends, without our friends.
It's only been three days! I feel like my head is spinning.
Anyhow, last night I took some time to breathe a little and think about what I really want. This isn't an easy thing for me, because I'm a people pleaser, and I like to make other people happy before I make myself happy, which often means I give up the things I really like doing so I can do something someone else wants to do. However, the more and more I tried to change my plans to do all the things other people would like, I found myself being less and less excited about the whole darned mess.
While I'm not one of those "My wedding is MY DAY, and it's going to be all about ME" girls, this day really is about my fiancee and me. And, to be completely honest, saying our vows to each other in a ceremony in a setting that will later be accompanied by fond memories (and not a shudder of horror or cringe of disgust--more on the proposed Vegas wedding later, maybe) is important to me. I want to say those vows, I want to say them in a ceremony, I want to say them in a pretty dress, and I want to say them in a place that will have positive associations later. I don't want it to be just the two of us reading off sheets of paper in our jeans and t-shirts on a hillside somewhere. I don't want it to be in a chapel in Vegas with tacky ferns and baby's breath all over the place with 10 couples in line behind me. Yuck.
So. While I don't want to get married in front of 200 people, because I'm not interested in putting on a big old show for everyone, I do want it to be special.
Thus, I've decided to scale back the Seattle reception (waaaay back), take full advantage of the party my parents are throwing us in Texas, and enjoy my ceremony/honeymoon on the beach somewhere in Central America, South America or the Caribbean. (Now taking suggestions, btw.)
And now that we are right back where we started, let the planning begin!
PS: A very special thank you to my fiancee who tolerated my crazy like a champ this week and was very supportive in letting me do pretty much whatever the hell I want. What a catch, huh? ;)